wildest dreams
by Alazia
Summary: "I would like to make a toast for this bastard right here. Although you got the job all the way across the globe before me, I'm still proud of your stupid ass!" Because she knew it was ending before it even began and Sakura loved Sasuke, she knew. But she had to love herself first. / AU.
1. past and future

wildest dreams: memory.

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**present: now.**

She heard the slide window open and close behind her, but the view was so beautiful she didn't want to miss it, not even for a second. It wasn't like she needed to look to know who it was anyways: his scent and his aura and the way she knew he walked… she was certain.

He stopped at her side, but didn't face the view. _Wasn't he always like that though? unable to see beauty before his eyes? choosing to look over it?_

She sighed.

"Will you remember me?" he heard her asking quietly, elbows crossed on the balcony rail. Standing on a nice dress, staring at the sunset, posture relaxed. Inside, the party kept on going with the same old friends that insisted on leaving always too late.

"Aa".

His eyes were closed, head crooked to the side opposite from her. She looked at him: tall, muscular and handsome as hell wearing a white button up shirt and black tie. He glanced back at her: red lips and rosy cheeks, too many glasses of champagne it seemed.

And then he remembered.

_Long legs tangled with his, pink hair against the black of his sheets, dark shade of green on her eyes when she couldn't keep them open anymore because he made her feel so _so _much when he moved like that, fast and slow. _

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It'd been the worst Monday ever: her alarm didn't go off on time, making her late for her shift thus not having time for either make-up or coffee. Fifteen minutes later there were no taxis on the street- and then she was _thirty _minutes late and Shizune looked at her funny, because she knew Tsunade was hard on punctuality-_ she was on a bad mood already_.

Lunch came around and she found herself in a better mood, morning all forgotten. A fellow coworker asked to join her, she smiled politely, _of course you can sit with me_, and made small chat. _How is your wife? how are the kids doing at school? Sure that's a phase, she remembered how mean other kids could be_. Her phone rang. "I'm sorry, this will only take a minute" she apologized; he smiled and frowned at his extremely green salad: vegan.

"Naruto-kun, how nice to hear from you right in the middle of lunch" she greeted her friend sarcastically.

"Sakura, I'm sorry I have to be the one to say this to you…" she couldn't remember the last time she heard him talk in such a serious tone.

Back at the table, the man she was sharing her lunch with looked at her with worried eyes. _Poor thing, something really bad must've happened._ She looked like she was going to be sick or pass out at any moment.

He chewed on his tasteless lettuce, and watched attentively at his coworker shaky form.

He hoped everything was okay.

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She heard the knock on her door. _Again._

_Go the fuck away._

"Sakura, I know you are in there, I called the hospital already …" She sighed, it was impossible to keep Ino away; she could be a pain in the ass when she wanted to.

She cursed, got up from her position in front of her TV and made her way to the door to open it. Ino took her in: pale face, wrinkled clothes; sullen eyes, expressionless face. _Sakura…_

Neither of them said anything as Sakura felt slim arms hug her frame. It didn't take long. "Sweetie I'm so sorry…" the blonde whispered. The woman with the pink hair couldn't hold back anymore, tears started forming at the back of her eyes and she didn't stop the sobs- _her heart was breaking into tiny pieces._

_Please let it be a dream._

she thought: heaven can't help me now.

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**3:43 AM, five months ago.**

The night was cold and the windows were wide open. Only one witness: the full moon, watched the lovers silently. "No one has to know what we do, you know?" she said mostly to herself, but she knew he was listening.

_He always did._

His clothes were all over her room; his hand ran lazily through her hair while the other rested on her lower back, she could hear his steady heartbeat from her position on top.

Because she knew he had more important things to take care than her -_and them-_, he had just a little too much shit to work on. There was no denying he was utterly messed up and he was _so_ lost, _and she yearned to help him, to heal him; so much it hurt _her_._

"Sakura" his voice, a familiar sound, so close and yet so distant. Was he there, right there with her? –what was he thinking? '_what was he dreaming of?'_

He flipped them over in a blink; her back pressed against the soft mattress and he was looking at her like _that again. _Soft kisses on her neck, she closed her eyes; his fingers played with her nipple in a slow sensual motion; and she could feel it, she could feel herself getting wet and anxious to be touched and she was losing her resolve so easily … and it at started again:_ this is getting good now…_

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**present, 35 minutes ago.**

"I would like to make a toast for this bastard right here, for being promoted to Senior Partner, the youngest lawyer ever to make it!" Naruto raised his glass and looked at his friends with a grin "Although you got the job all the way across the globe before me, I'm still proud of your stupid ass! Good luck!"

The entire group cheered after him, even the ever so serious now-promoted-senior-partner couldn't help a smirk. The chatter and laughter continued like it hadn't been interrupted, the blonde quickly scanned the room in search of a certain missing girl, his quest all but forgotten as soon as we saw _his _girl.

Hinata smiled at her boyfriend´s antics, somehow he always managed to make everything a competition between Sasuke and himself. _Boys. _He joined at her side and hugged her waist. She kept on the smile, but couldn't stop the blushing, years into a relationship with the blonde hadn't help her control it; he squeezed her side and looked intently at her glass, the girl rolled her eyes back in response "It's just water Naruto-kun, don't worry". The blonde smiled and kissed her hair. Her blush deepened just a bit.

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She had cried for nearly three days straight after Ino left. It wasn't as if he had broken up with her, they were not even an item.

Regardless, the medic was torn: one side of her was happy and _oh so proud_ of him for achieving so much at such a young age, considering everything he had been through; on the other, she felt her heart was tired of waiting, ten years was a long _long_ time and she felt defeated and used and _unloved_. She was twenty-five and lived half her life with a broken heart.

Love couldn't move mountains, she realized, love couldn't take it all; love was a fragile thing, her feelings for the man had been deep and raw and so fucking strong… '_with what propose? Why wasn't she enough for him?'_

She applied red lipstick to her lips and checked her make-up on the mirror. The amount of concealer she had to use to cover her dark circles didn't look that bad after all_, 'Oh no, I'm just tired, I've been working until very late recently'_. Still, her eyes betrayed her; they lacked their usual brightness and witty to them. She felt exhausted and emotionally drained.

The first night she felt pure and raw anger towards the Uchiha. He had no problem with fucking her every night and then leaving her like it meant nothing, not a call not a single message; and she was equally stupid because when he showed up at her place unannounced days later, tired, dark circles under his eyes, she would melt against his kisses and touch, _how was she supposed to stop him?. _That son of a bitch didn't even have the decency to tell her he was leaving himself.

"_Sakura… I- he got the job in New York, he'll leave on Saturday. –I'm sorry, he won't be back for at least a couple of years. It might do him some good to get away for a bit, but I'm so sorry Sakura, you don't deserve this- If there is anything…"_

On the second night, she meditated: in hindsight, she knew they couldn't work, it wasn't meant to be from the very beginning. She had been right to doubt when they decided to cross that line all those years ago. Back then she hoped for his love, even if it was just pretend. Now she knew better. He wasn't capable of giving back anything: he was so messed up; there was no space for her within his own demons, his own past drowning him.

Not matter how hard she tried to fight it, how hard she tried to push those demons away _his family, _to make him see there was a future for him _Itachi_. He was the only one meant to. And she knew he couldn't, she knew she was selfish asking such courage from him, he was broken inside.

Just the night before, as she tried to fall asleep, she realized she would try and give up on loving Uchiha Sasuke, she would force it upon herself. She would forget and forgive him for his shortcomings; he never asked for her love, it wasn't fair to blame him for it. She knew the next day Naruto had planned a party for his best friend, she would attend and look pretty and say good-bye to the man of her dreams for the very last time.

_Nothing last forever._

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**present: after.**

She gathered forces and smiled; only a sad one, though. She wanted to laugh at her own stupidity; there was no way out for them, just separate ways. No more wishful thinking from now on, she promised. No more looking back.

The sun had set and the city was cover in a dark grey hue.

She looked his way, avoiding eye contact; instead she focused on a point on the grey horizon. "I hope all the best for you, Sasuke, I truly do. Please take care of yourself". The woman smiled at him one last time -sincerely- as she straightened herself and turned to head back to the party. Funny enough, she thought –as she walked- she could cry and beg him to stay or take her with him, because she loved him with all her heart and that was enough, _right?_\- but she felt nothing, just plain numbness in her heart.

"Sakura" his voice was deep and calm, as always. She didn't turn. _Say you will remember me, say you will see me again._

He paused. The sky wasn't grey anymore, it turned pitch black with no stars. No moon. Only the lights of the buildings on the background gave them some sort of illumination.

"_Thank you_"

She nodded; maybe he saw it, maybe not. Sakura accepted it and decided, from that moment on, he was not her concern anymore.

_say you'll remember me, even if it's in your wildest dreams._

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edit june2016: I have made small changes here and there, as it is almost two years since I uploaded this story. For the longest time I wasn't clear if I wanted to make a multi-chapter story or just a stand alone kind of thing. I guess I decided to give it a go and see where this takes us.

As always, don't forget to leave a review telling me what you think.


	2. half time

don't let me down

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**1 month later:**

He was there again: on a balcony, dark night, all alone. The floor stretched out in front on him, he followed into the darkness. The rational part of his brain warned him: he should walk the other way, to turn back and run, he already knew what was coming. His heart, on the other hand, told him to keep moving, to take another step into the darkness.

As if following his cue, the lights turned on, and there she was. _Just like last time_: gaze lost on the horizon, white dress floating against the wind. He felt his chest compress, he felt his legs had a mind of their own: he was almost running to get to her. _There's no time._

She was still there when he made it her side. _Sakura. _She looked at him with surprise. _Hi Sasuke-kun. _He was taken aback; she hadn't called him that since they were kids_. Do you remember what I wanted to be, when we were little? _He was confused by the question but tried to think hard, Sakura had a tendency of talking too much and he had a tendency of listening too little. _You wanted to be a doctor_.

She laughed at him, nudging him with her elbow. _Before that silly, think back, when we were really little. _He tried to remember but nothing came back_. Come on Sasuke-kun! I told you a million times! Don't worry though, I'll show you._

Right before his eyes she climbed on the balcony rail, laughing, barely keeping her balance against the wind. His heart stopped. _Sakura, get down right now, you are going to fall._ His tone urgent, his hands trying to get ahold of any part of her. _I won't until you remember! _She started mimicking wings with her hands. In his desperation, all he could think about was how to get her down, next to him, safe. Sakura stopped laughing and looked at him with disappointment. _I told you I wanted to be a fairy, remember?... But you didn't remember, did you…? You never do._ He panicked at her tone. _I'm sorry, I won't forget now, but please just take my hand_. She smiled down at him and whispered a soft_ thank you_.

Then she turned her back to him, and like a feather she fell into oblivion before he could do anything to stop her. He couldn't breathe, he tried to jump after her but he realized he was tied to the floor, he couldn't follow her, he couldn't save her. _SAKURA_!_ SAKURA_!_ SAKURA_!

"**SAKURA**" Sasuke woke himself with the scream. He was shaking, his whole chest covered in sweat. He ran his hands through his hair, trying to calm down his fast beating heart, the pain in his chest suffocating him. The clock on his bedside table read 4:56 AM.

**3 months later:**

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It was 9 AM and the guys from the moving company were late _again_. She tried to relax and keep her obsessive tendencies under control. They were late and she needed to move before her landlord threw all her stuff out of the window. She'd already showered and decided on a pair of black leggings with an oversized hoodie. She had woken up so early that had to wait for the coffee shop around the corner to open at 8AM. Since all her stuff was neatly packed on boxes, she didn't have a single utensil to cook with.

She decided to do a last swipe, as she sipped on her latte. The place she was moving out form wasn't comfortable by any means, but was a decent place considering her student budget: a single kitchen and dining-living area took up most of the space of the apartment, one bedroom and bathroom completed her now former home.

She checked again that all her bathroom cabinets were empty and made her way to the bedroom. Her landlord had decided to buy her mattress, and she had happily agreed. As she seated on it, she contemplated on all the memories. She remembered all the times Ino crushed with her after drinking too much at a party, she remembered all the times she laid there feeling miserable about herself. Most recently, she recalled the tears of happiness rolling out of Hinata's eyes when she told her she was pregnant with Naruto's baby.

Out of all the memories, the one she cherished the most was from a Sunday morning. Sasuke had brought dinner with him the night before, strangely so. She remembered like it had been yesterday, the way those dark circles under his eyes framed his handsome face, making him look older; the way he was _actually telling_ her about his week at work and how tired he was.

In hindsight, she had been so taken aback by his behavior, she hadn't enjoyed it. Perhaps that was her fault: she failed to address the small efforts he made, always looking surprised by them, being awkwardly quiet.

That was the first night, since they had started sleeping together, that they _actually_ sleep in her bed. She remembered offering him a massage, a bold move, he had agreed. He had wrinkled his nose at the smell of the oil she was using _'Don't make me smell like a girl, Sakura' _She had laughed at him, partially ignoring him.

But then, maybe that had been her fault as well: she idolized and romanticized a relationship with him, so many years imagining how it would be, that when reality didn't match up… she tried (_her way –always her way_) to make up for it in her mind, and in doing so she tended to neglect him.

That night Sasuke feel asleep before she could even reach his arms with her touches, he looked completely exhausted. The next morning, she woke up to the surprise that he was still there. Usually he would sneak out in the middle of the night or after he took a shower. She was never invited into those showers, though. _Maybe I should have just joined him? _Sakura took that time, _sacred time,_ to memorized his features into her mind. How he seemed to prefer to sleep on his stomach with one arm as a pillow, the way his two-day beard grew from his neck to his cheeks; and the way his long lashes tangled together. She realized his pale skin showed some of his veins near his eyes and she couldn't resist touching them. She felt the need to protect him, to hug him, her heart ached for him but she knew it wasn't for her to have him. With trembling lips, she placed a kiss on his forehead but she couldn't resist the tears. Quickly and quietly to not wake him, she slid off her bed and strolled down the hallway to the kitchen.

As she closed the door, she failed to see that the dark haired man was indeed awake, his hand lingering where her lips had just been seconds ago.

The buzz of her phone startled her, she'd gotten lost in the world of memories, losing track of the time. She picked up. "_Hello pretty girl how are you? How's the moving coming?_" she sighed but tried to lighten up her spirits. Her mind was slowing catching up with her present. "It's … kind of coming along, they are late though and I need to be out of here before lunch time" she moaned and she ran one hand through her hair. "_Okay, calm down, you know how those guys are, maybe they got caught up in traffic, right?"._

"_Anyways, I was calling because we just got finished at the doctor's office and guess what...? you are going to have a… NEPHEW!"_

Sakura was so surprised by the news she almost spilled the whole of her cup on the mattress. "OH MY GOD! Naruto, really!? I can't believe it!... I'm so happy for you guys!" she said, her voice breaking.

The woman felt how the turmoil of emotions she had just experienced were catching up with her as tears of happiness run down her cheeks "_Wait! What's wrong… are you- are you crying?_" She laughed, for the first time in a long time she felt lighter by doing so, it felt good.

"Yes idiot! I'm crying because I'm so genuinely happy for you guys, Oh God I'm such an emotional mess! I just feel like thinks are finally looking up, you know?" she confessed with a sincere smile.

As Naruto kept talking all about Hinata's scan and how they were thinking about moving near her new place, for the first time since Sasuke left her life and left _her_, she felt like things were going to be fine, eventually. No matter how much pain, how many tears, how broken her heart was. She was going to move on, built a life –a happy one- Naruto and Hinata too, and the little peanut she had on her tummy as well. She was going to take care of them, she was going to make sure they were safe, after all …they were her family.

**7 months later:**

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"_Well well if it's the great Uchiha Sasuke himself, yo_!" Sasuke rolled his eyes as he twisted his chair to face the ceiling to floor windows on his office, it looked over the 5th avenue "Naruto… still as loud as ever, that poor baby of yours will be deaf before he is born" the blonde laughed as he put his phone down on the floor "_You are on speaker asshole, I'm on building duty, Hinata thinks I should to be a little __**handier**__\- can you fucking believe that? so I'm stuck with a bunch a crappy pieces and a shitty manual for instructions. Pregnant woman as scary as fuck let me tell you_". Sasuke nodded absentmindedly.

"_So New York, how are things going on your side of the planet?" _the black haired man didn't even bother replying, he rolled his eyes and waited "_We are having the worst winter; it is so cold! Hinata is happy though, she says that if I've gotten her pregnant in the summer, being hot and fat and all that, she'd have killed me and I believe her man!, she's being so dramatic about everything!_"

Suspecting the upcoming pause in the blonde's monologue, Sasuke interfered "I got a called from the FBI…" there was a silence on the other side of the line "_Well, talk about a plot twist…you sure your work is legit? Are you some sort of kill man now and you forgot to tell me?_

The sun on his side was almost set. The lights of the city casted shadows on his dark office. For a second he got lost on the view: the light from the cars, the taxis, the billboard and the people. All rushing home or for a after work drinks.

"_Sasuke, are you there…?_"

He sighed, he felt tired beyond his age "It's about Itachi" the blonde's silence encouraged him "… they wanted me to know they'd partnered with the Tokyo Special Division Unit to investigate organized crime and international working bands"

"_They wanted to update you on the Akatsuki? Did they find the guy that did it? The guy responsible for Itachi's…?_"

Sasuke found himself at a loss of words, he wasn't giving objective data anymore, he felt an uncomfortable sensation on his eyes and quickly pushed at them with his free hand.

"They said they'd found new evidence rewarding Itachi's case…" It was the first time he was saying this aloud "they think Itachi wasn't killed by them…he-, they think he committed _suicide_" he interpreted his friend's silence as shock, he'd felt the same, he cleared his throat trying to hide his raspy voice "They said there's a letter- they somehow managed to find a letter from him after all of this time- … addressed to me. They've read it- it seems to be very clear that he- he decided to end his life..".

"_Fuck me…_"

**10 months later:**

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It was just a little over 5 degrees, Sakura folded her knitted scarf around her neck again as she walked through the residential area of Kamimeguro, just about ten minutes away from Nakameguro station. Hinata and Naruto's home was a good thirty-five minutes' walk away from her own flat, right on the opposite side of the Meguro River.

She loved to think they'd chosen that part of town to be near her; but really, they'd to move as far away from Hinata's family as they could. She looked at her phone as she walked, it was twenty to eight on a cold March night and she was ten minutes late to her own birthday party; she made her way passed a coffee place that was just closing and then took a right, at the very end of the street stood the Uzumaki residence.

The pink haired girl rang at the door. She was now 20 minutes late. "There you are birthday girl! What took you so long?!" Naruto didn't keep her waiting for long, as he opened the door he threw himself at her: Sakura couldn't breathe properly between Naruto's hug and the amount of clothes she had on.

"Oi! Let go of me!" She yelled between giggles. He did, and instead attacked her cheeks with kisses "I'm just so happy you are here! And it's your twenty-four birthday! you are so old now!". Sakura couldn't keep the laugher in any more, they made their way inside the house, Naruto making faces trying to kiss her and Sakura forcing him off of her. "This is so inappropriate! You are a married man! Where is that wife of yours?".

Inside the house everyone received her with harm hugs and nice compliments, not as invasive as Naruto's, thankfully. Ino faked a cry because '_oh they were getting so old_', Shikamaru greeted her and handed a wrapped book '_I heard it was really good_', Lee held on her for a little bit too long until Tenten pushed him away: finally, Kakashi was, of course, late.

All of her high school friends were there, along with a few from pre-med and Med school as well. They all looked like they were having fun and getting along with each other.

"Hey there birthday girl…"

Sakura turned around, her heart skipped a beat when she saw him "Kiba! What are you doing here?"

He chuckled and raise an eyebrow "I mean…I can leave if you want me to…" he said pointing to the door, with a playful smile on his face.

Sakura blushed and made a mess of herself trying to explain "I just-… I didn't know you knew- I mean, my birthday and… Naruto? How?" She was genuinely confused to see him there, confused but very excited.

"Well, he gave a call letting me know you guys were having a little reunion and invited me to join you… I hope that's okay with you?". She smiled and tucked a hair behind her ear "Don't be silly" I'm so happy to see you here! I just wasn't expecting it… how are things going?".

Naruto hugged his wife from behind as he watched Sakura interact with the brown haired man. He had met him a couple of times before, he used to be Sakura's instructor, he was a few years older than her.

On his first year as a Med student, he had decided to change to an engineering program. He remembered Sakura saying something about him wanting to create and build medical equipment, prosthesis and that sort of thing.

Hinata turned her face to kiss the blonde on the neck "What is your plan mister? I can see what you did there…" she said pointing her glass towards the couple.

He chuckled "I have no idea about what you are talking about…" he whispered in her ear, the black haired woman bit her lip as she smiled. She handed him her glass and made sure he understood the look she was giving him -_don't meddle_-, her husband could be so thick sometimes. She made her way around the living room making sure everyone was enjoying themselves.

After a while, Sakura left Kiba talking with Shikamaru and Shino. They knew each other from Science Lab, so she was sure they would make him feel comfortable. It wasn't like he needed it though, the boy had such a charming personality, she doubted he ever felt uncomfortable, even if he was in a room full of almost unknown people.

Taking the stairs to the second floor, she made her way to the quieter side of the house. She suspected he was already down for the day, but she wanted just to see him for a second, to just kiss his chubby cheek.

She opened the second door to the right, the lights were dim and Hinata was singing a soft lullaby to the baby in her arms. Sakura made her way inside slowly, trying to make as little noise as possible. Once she reached her, they crossed smiles. Boruto was asleep in his mother's arms, he had Naruto's blonde hair and Hinata's grey eyes. The pink haired kissed him lightly on his head and moved aside letting Hinata pass through, she then looked over his little library, it was filled of books to the rims_. Of course, he was Hinata's baby._

Suddenly she stopped her browsing and grabbed on from the top shelf "Oh c'mon! I was going to get him the exact same thing! Who beat me?..." she whispered. Hinata turned around slowly, bottle on hand. She was whispering as well "Sasuke did".

Sakura felt like she has swallowed an extremely sour candy. Of course he would think of that!, he was stupidly smart just like she was. She picked up the book and opened it -Hinata arranged a row of bottles and stuffed animals, trying to give her some space- the pink haired could see him walking through a book store with a coffee _(black), _thinking about finding something entertaining for Boruto yet still educative and stimulating for a baby_. Just like she had done_. She looked up suddenly, _why-why were there tears on her eyes?_

"Hey…" Hinata made her way to her and stroked her arm. She offered her a napkin and a sympathetic smile "Sakura, it is okay for you to feel like this…"

The medic chuckled miserably, not making eye contact "Is it okay to feel like I am missing half of my heart every single day? Is it okay to miss him so much I feel like I can't breathe?"

The mother grabbed her friend's arms and turned Sakura to her "Is it okay if I'm honest with you?" Sakura nodded. "…you're always going to miss him no matter what" a sob escaped the pink haired woman, Hinata cupped her cheek and forced her to make contact with her bright grey eyes

"Sakura, you need to accept that he is always going to be on your heart, stop trying to push it away, you will reach a point, maybe two months from now or maybe a year from now, who knows? when you will think about him and it will hurt a little bit less every time. It will, I swear."

The honesty and pain in the grey eyed woman made Sakura let out another sob, she was so tired of feeling like that. She was right in the middle of the tunnel, she was grieving: the light at the end somedays looked brighter than others.

Sakura nodded and accepted the napkin, as they both turned around they saw little Boruto seated on his crib looking over at them with curiosity, she couldn't contain her giggles. "Hi there buddy!, what are you doing up past your bed time huh?... Do you wanna give your aunt lots of kisses and cuddles for her birthday, is that so?"

Hinata looked at them with a motherly smile as she wiped a single tear from the corner of her eye. She heart felt heavy, she desperately wanted her friend to be happy.

**1 year later:**

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"Good morning! please come on in, make yourself comfortable".

He looked around reluctantly, the space wasn't big and that didn't help with his uneasiness, big floor to ceiling windows showed the west side of Central Park: the holiday spirit itself, he was sure the view was there just to make patients feel less claustrophobic.

He was pointed towards the white couch on the end of the room. In front of him was a wood coffee table with a glass of water on top of a coaster. Neat and clean. The walls were bare white, except for a few black and white paintings. Impersonal. She was sitting on the other side of the table, on an identical white couch. She was looking over the notes on her lap, giving him time to adjust. _Was he that obvious?_

"So, Uchiha Sasuke is it?" He nodded. "What brings you here today?". She had a nice tone of voice, not too high yet still feminine. He wondered if she ever considered working for an audio book company.

What brought him there? he had just been asked, he felt the pain starting at the pit of his stomach. Why was he there? Suddenly his tie knot felt too tight, the room was too hot. This wasn't him: he was embarrassed. She kept her eyes on him all this time.

"Well… how about we get to know each other a bit more first? My name is Yuhi Kurenai, I am a Harvard Medical School graduated, specialized on anxiety disorders and most of my work revolves around PTSD and OCD, which stand for post-traumatic stress disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder, respectively" He stared. _That's not who I am_

"Most of my patients come here to talk about either a traumatic event or a situation that has somehow determine the way they act or the state of mind they are in, we try to talk about it and work around the problem. Sometimes, and only when it's justified, we'll consider, alongside therapy, working with some sort of medication".

Sasuke felt the knot of his tie closing even tighter around his neck. The looked over the window to Central Park: yellow and red and orange and _pink_. It was autumn. He breathed.

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Hi there! I wasn't sure if I wanted to continue this story, obviously, it took me two years to decide. I am still toying with of couple of ideas of where I want to take this story, but I thought I would just go ahead and give it a try. I also decided to slip this chapter into two different ones so it would't be so long for you guys to read.

Hope you liked it, make sure to leave any comments or ideas or whatever on the review button down below!

Dec-9-2016: I just edited this, nothing mayor, just few typos here and there. I decided to write again, last time I updated this story, I was in a relationship and was a junior in College. Now, after too many years if I'm honest, I'm single. And a senior. I will update this story and post others I have on my mind, hopefully soon. Uni is over so that means I have lots of time now and I've getting back into Naruto with Sasuke Hiden, I just keep falling in love with SS.

The word count is 4k, 7 pages total.


	3. resolution

bleeding love

**1 year and 3 months later:**

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The ceremony ended with her speech, she'd graduated at the very top of her class. She thought that after being high school valedictorian, she assumed college and medicine school were going to be extremely hard, she didn't even dream about achieving so much back then.

The place was full of graduated students and their families. She made her way through the mass of people, trying to find her family and friends. She spotted them easily, Naruto had Boruto on his shoulders, dressed as a baby graduated, robe and all.

She was met with all sorts of congratulations, hugs and multiple presents from her aunties, cousins, friends and parents. Her dad cried as he took pictures of Sakura and her mom, Sakura and the Uzumakis, Sakura and Kiba, Sakura alone and one with Ino _of course_…, she actually had to ask her mom to take away the camera from him.

She felt every fiber of her being vibrating with positivity: she had graduated; she was closer to her dream of becoming a doctor. All her friends were there to support her: her godson, her boyfriend, her parents. _Life can't get any better than this. _

After a while they decided to split up, rest and then regroup for a late dinner. Hinata needed to put Boruto down for his nap and sort everything for the babysitter. Her parents wanted to change before dinner, as they had only arrived a couple of hours before the ceremony; she was exhausted as hell from all the adrenaline: a nap and a shower didn't sound bad at all.

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"C'mon! are you kidding me! Another present?" Sakura made her way excitedly into the kitchen of her apartment. She had just gotten out of the shower, they were a little tight on the time. Naruto had made reservations at 8PM at Sakura's favorite Italian place and she was still on her bath robe.

Kiba was already dressed up in a light blue button up shirt and khaki dress pants. He was standing in front of the big bouquet, she kissed him on the cheek as she turned the base admiring the flowers "I had no idea you were verse in the art of _hanakotoba_…" she glazed his way playfully. Kiba's face was void of any emotion, he kept his gaze locked on the flowers.

"I bet Ino told you gladiolus are my favorites! Thanks, baby it means so much to me!" She hugged him from the side and he responded kissing the side of her forehead. An absentmindedly kiss, nonetheless.

Sakura made her way to the stairs "Give me just twenty minutes and I'll be ready!".

Kiba read the note on his hand once more, a cold chill run down his spine. He crushed the paper inside his hand, so hard his nails left red lines on his palm. Angrily he opened the trash can and threw it in. He had no place in his life, _in their lives_. He belonged there, he thought, alone and forgotten, far away from us.

_Congratulations. _

_Strength of character, faithfulness and remembrance. _

_S.U_

**2 years later: **

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"So Sasuke, we have been seeing each other for a year now, is that right?" The weather had changed; the colorful leaves were gone and the icy feel of winter gave a foggy atmosphere. Kurenai smiled, they had made some progress, she looked directly to the man seated in front of her, the first time she met him he wasn't able to keep his gaze on her, too uncomfortable to be perceive as vulnerable.

Now he looked at her curiously, waiting for her to continue "So, what do you think so far? Would you say you have changed in any way since we started?".

Sasuke took a sip from his glass, trying to make time to actually make something up, he preferred when she asked straightforward questions: _how would you describe your relationship with your father, how has your mother's absence affected your relationship with women, who was Itachi Uchiha?_ This introspective shit was already fucked up, trying to think of the ways he had changed meant going back and dig a little bit deeper into his subconscious.

He placed the glass on the coaster. Kurenai kept smiling at him, patiently. He knew from experience the woman could seat for a complete hour in silence, waiting for him to be comfortable enough, waiting for him to find the right words to talk. It wasn't easy for him to open up, but he found she had a way to get him to talk about things… things he thought he would never in his life discuss with anyone else.

He sighed in defeat. "I think I have done some thinking about things…" she nodded encouraging him "I have been able to sleep better with the pills you gave me, I don't… have nightmares as often anymore". He glanced at the snow falling into the trees outside "I have been doing some thinking as well… I think I shouldn't have moved here on the first place".

Kurenai pretended to look offended "But then, we wouldn't have met and you probably –most likely- wouldn't have been able to reach that exact conclusion". Sasuke chuckled and relaxed into the sofa. The woman smiled triumphantly at him "See-…" she pointed at him with her pen "right there, you wouldn't have relaxed and smiled at me like that a year ago, now am I right?". His only response was to shake his head in amusement at her antics.

She continued "I am actually proud of you Uchiha, you have accomplished something here, you have made yourself take the steps into the right direction" he glanced away, sight lost in the infinite grey scenery.

"I want you to know there is hope for you, even if you don't believe it. I've been saying this from the very beginning but… you need to believe it yourself in order to move forward".

Sasuke was still, times like these made him feel that what little he had accomplished was nothing compared with what he still had to work on. "I feel depressed sometimes, isolated. I feel like I have no rights to call my friends anymore… I- I feel anxious when I realize how lonely I am". She scribbled down on her notebook "I enjoy the solitude but miss the spontaneity of friendships, I missed my best friend's and god son's first year party on propose…I was too embarrassed to show my face after all I've done".

A silence followed. Kurenai looked at him intently "Why don't you book a flight tonight so you can be there tomorrow?" he seemed surprise and for a second thought she had to be kidding.

"You claim you miss spontaneity and close relationships, you feel your friends don't reach out as much as they did before you moved… so why don't _you_ do it?".

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She passed around her room, she wouldn't be surprised if her neighbors filled a formal complaint against her. She was sure they could hear her thoughts all the way to the fifth floor. Just an hour ago Kiba left, they had had a huge argument: he wanted to move in into her apartment, or for her to move into his. The problem? She wasn't sure about. The reason? She wasn't positive about that either. The woman sat down on her cream couch: her mind trying to rationalized every single thing she had said.

The medic knew she loved Kiba, she loved everything about him, she saw herself with him in the future, maybe with a dog?. But then, why was she so unsure about committing to a deeper level kind of relationship? Part of her wanted to blame her shortcomings on her pasts experiences, she never had those sorts of problems with a certain black haired man. He never _ever_ mentioned, in all the years of their on-and-off affair, anything about living arrangements. Let alone inviting her to his house, to live- _together_.

So now she had a man she was happily in love with, a man who went beyond anything to make her happy, who wanted to share his life with her. But, why? Where did this apprehension come from? Sakura pick up the cushion and used it to muffle her scream. She knew her actions where somehow normal, everyone was a little scare of committing, _right?_ What if they ended up discovering that, after all, they were highly incompatibles on a day to day basis?

She felt like she was experiencing a case of split personality, part of her was half excited about the possibilities of making her relationship with Kiba stronger; and half scared about taking their relationship to the next level. The other part of her, was just shaking her head, saying no. Her imaginary head, because that was all in her mind. Sakura grabbed her head between her hands, this was so confusing.

She sat straight, outside her window the most beautiful sunset was setting. From a medical point of view, her actions and hesitation made sense. But she couldn't help but wonder… _was that it?_ The head representing the other half of her imaginary personality disagreed. But she chose to ignore it.

No risk, no gain…_right?_

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"Sakura…"

The girl had a cardboard box un her right arm and a determined look on her face "Look- I'm sorry alright? about what I said earlier" she clarified and shifted uncomfortable on her feet.

"This is all new to me and I… I'm not so sure how to do this- this whole grown up relationship, I just suck at it" she declared.

Kiba looked at her with a curious face "What's on the box then?" Sakura glanced down at it, like she had forgotten she had it on the first place. "Well…some clothes, a mug and a couple of books…?"

The man's grin showed all his perfect teeth, even his particularly sharp canines "And they are coming in to stay?"

Sakura's face mimicked his as she nodded, he responded with a hug as he kissed her cheek and helped her in his flat. "Get on then, you will be bringing more of those boxes in the future, yeah?" She let out a genuine laugh. "Don't get ahead of yourself mister, I brought the mug, if that's not compromising a don't know what is"

Kiba shocked his head lovingly, how this amazing piece of woman chose him, over all the guys out there, he would never know. All he knew, as he saw her making her way to his kitchen and unpacking her belongings, it felt _right_. Like she was supposed to be there with him_, forever_.

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Naruto was early to pick up Boruto. It was just over 7:30 in the evening, he was half an hour early. They were laying in the living room of her apartment; the little man had insisted on making a den, so she took all the pillows and sheets she could find and threw on some Christmas lights to make it look even cozier. On her laptop, they were watching The Lion King.

Sakura sensed something was wrong the moment she opened the door; Boruto yelled from inside his hideout "Look Daddy! I've built a cave!". Naruto's face softened: "I can see that buddy… you stay there while Daddy and Auntie talk, yeah?".

The blond took a seat on the kitchen isle counter and run both his hands through his face, pulling the skin as he did so. She decided to prepare tea. He looked annoyed and uncomfortable, completely unlike himself.

She was about to ask what was wrong, when he talked: "Where's Kiba?" She served two mugs of green tea.

"He's at some dinner with the guys from his firm…" she dismissed. Naruto sipped the tea, it was too hot. Sakura was losing her patience. "What's going on? You are scaring me being so serious all of a sudden" She tried to lighten up the mood.

Naruto made a move to take her hands on his, he rubbed them with his thumbs as he looked intently into her eyes. "I need a favor…" Sakura felt her body relax considerably and a smile made its way to her face.

"It's about Sasuke...". The blonde saw how the pink haired reacted to his friend's name: her frown deepened between her eyes; she took her hand off his on an aggravated manner. He kept his eyes firmly on hers. "He is dealing with a lot of stuff right now and he needs us, you and me, he needs us to help him get through this".

The young woman felt fire running through her veins, she wanted to hit him, _hard_. "Oh, so now Sasuke _needs_ our help? I mean, as if we hadn't been there when his parents got in that accident or when Itachi got himself killed" she spited the words with anger.

Naruto frowned at her response, he was hurt by her lack of cooperation "Well it's not our job to judge him is it?" his tone louder "What kind of friend are you that you'd only help him if there's something in for you? So now that you are with Kiba you turn your back on him, is that it?...".

Sakura's face deformed in pure shock and anger "How dare you say something like that to me…" she pushed Naruto back away from her.

"**I was there!** I gave him 15 years of my life, I fucking _lived_ for him" she shouted. Naruto stood his ground, he shook his head disagreeing.

"I tried- hell all of us tried to get him back, everything revolved around him for us, and what did he do? For fuck's sake he ignored us, he kept us at arm's length, he mistreated us. He hurt you and he hurt me". She counted ironically.

Naruto rubbed his eyes, trying to calm down "You are wrong, he was hurting and that's why he wouldn't let us in. We should've kept trying, even harder to get to him… if only we'd-…".

Sakura hit the counter with her fist "We would've drowned down with him!..." she tried to reason through her anger "And even if we wanted to keep trying, he left me, he _left us, _he moved all the way across the globe so he didn't have to see our faces anymore. How's that for a friend to you?!".

The woman noted that Naruto wasn't looking at her anymore, outside of his den Boruto looked at them, tears on his eyes while he hugged his blanket. Before the blonde could act, Sakura rushed past him and took the baby on her arms; she rubbed his back and whisper into his ear: _it's okay sweetie, I'm so sorry, shhh, everything it's okay_.

Eventually, the crying stopped and he fell asleep. Naruto was still standing near the kitchen counter when Sakura walked over to him. "I'm happy now, without him… I thought I was never going to feel this way again" She handed the toddler to his father, carefully to not wake him up. Naruto wouldn't meet her gaze, she touched his arm reluctantly. "All I'm asking is… for once just- just be on my side, that's what _I_ need". Naruto opened his mouth to protest but he saw her face: her eyes were filled with unshed tears, a sad smile on her face. She looked tired and vulnerable.

He nodded and made his way to the door, she handed him Boruto's backpack but he held on her hand. He squeezed it once, then a second time when she wouldn't meet his gaze. Sakura held her stare on their joint hands, it took a while for him to notice the ring on her left hand.

"Kiba proposed, we were going to tell all of you tomorrow" she paused, a bittersweet smile "...and I said _yes_, I'm going to be his wife" Sakura meet his shocked eyes. "I am getting married, and not to Sasuke. It's over Naruto, I've moved on, and so should you..." she finished with a soft tone.

After kissing Boruto's cheek, she closed the door, not looking at Naruto's face. She stood there, her heart pounding hard at her chest, tears running free; yet she felt numb, as if by closing the door she had closed a bigger chapter of her life. But then, _why she felt like she was drowning from the ache of her heart_?

_Sakura, thank you… _

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_hanakotoba= language of flowers. _

Soooo Dec 2016 and we are seeing some progress here. My only excuse for the lack of updates is over (Uni) so I can write all I want now, muahaha.

As always leave a review if you can, I really enjoy reading them, I promess I wont disappear again.


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